Judgment Call 2.1

Gimme Gimme Gimme

2008-07-19T23:31:00.002-04:00

Okay, it's possible that the audience at Sweeney Todd who applauded the Mamma Mia! trailer was just full of musical theater fans, not necessarily flaming homosexuals.

The crowd tonight at Mamma Mia! who applauded for the High School Musical 3 trailer, however, is another story.

1, 2, 3, 4

2008-07-17T12:43:00.000-04:00

Amazing.

Car Alarm, Car Alarm

2008-07-14T14:43:00.004-04:00

Great piece from the New York Times about changes in New York over the last decade, as viewed through the lens of Rent - and why there's no such thing as a "realistic" musical:
Bohemia Takes Its Final Bows
“Rent” is closing at the end of the summer, but its ragtag New York left the stage many years ago, elbowed out by fusion cuisine and designer labels.

I especially like the part about how "Cyberland" is the enemy of the piece, when today all the characters would be blogging.

Ayuh

2008-07-09T11:07:00.001-04:00

So I've been traveling a little for work (oh, right, new job, blog about it), and mostly I haven't been bringing my camera because they're brief business trips without much sightseeing so I don't want to bother with one more thing to carry. But last month I was in Maine and found myself taking lots of pictures with my phone - though more of the kitchy safety card on my tiny, fairly ancient-seeming plane than of the scenery. I think I was somewhat inspired by Glark and Tara's "Atomic Tour" podcast and photo blogs, which are far more entertaining than they have any right to be. (Not that Glark and Tara aren't entertaining – they helped found and write for TWoP before NBC went and fucked it all up – but I've essentially been avidly watching the vacation slides of people I've never met. Which I guess is no different from any blog, but all the other podcasts I listen to are a little more presentational than a married couple chatting about their day of driving. But I'm totally hooked.)

Aaaanyway, speaking of other people's vacation slides, here's my dispatch from Maine.

Do you think when Rent closes next month this person will drive her car off a cliff?

This gelato? Not a fiasco at all! Unless you consider all the weight I would gain if I lived in Brunswick and could go here every day. Why would you name your business establishment this? Seems like tempting fate in a bad way. I wonder if a husband and wife fought over spending their life savings on an ice cream joint, and the one who didn't want to said, "Well this will be a fiasco." Curious. Anyway, I'm told they do quite well.

Next door, though... not so interested in this "experience."

It's Maine! We're folksy! I love that these rocking chairs litter the Portland airport, but no other attempt was made to make the building look like anything other than a modern (and quite nice) airport. I did spend quite a bit of time in one though, as my flight was delayed and it was near an outlet for my laptop.

Hey, where's the plane?

Dodging sniper fire.

I'm not much of a flier. It doesn't freak me out but I just don't enjoy it, and I don't do it very often. This plane, despite having my own "row" made me very claustrophobic. Also, when it was on the ground, there was this horrible squeaking noise that made me think of the cartoon landing gear from Amazing Stories

I was slightly obsessed with the old-school safety card on the tiny plane.

In case of heat vision, please locate the emergency exit closest to your seat.

Telekinesis!

Aquaman!

Who would pull out a remote controlled car on a plane?

In the event of a water landing, this aircraft is equipped with a floating light bulb to distract your infant from his imminent death.

Skynet cooks and cleans for me

2008-07-08T12:31:00.002-04:00

Lots of blogging in my head lately, very little of it making it through my fingers to the keyboard. Life is good and fairly dull overall. Good dull! Lots of domesticity.

Speaking of which, the dishwasher has been successfully installed! I'm quite proud of it, actually. The various tasks were exactly the opposite levels of difficulty I'd anticipated. I was very nervous about wiring the thing, but that turned out to be the easiest part. The few carpentry skills I have (plus some borrowed tools and the stock pieces we bought) served me well for building the counter, as did my improvisational approach from a decade of fixing props on the fly in low-budget theater (no hot glue was involved, but shelf brackets are my friends!).

We're not crazy about our existing countertops, and were also amazed to discover how many variations on that brown-ish speckled pattern there are at Home Depot, so rather than try to match something we don't like anyway, we went in the direction we'll ultimately head in if we ever decide to redo the whole kitchen properly. Instead of looking like Frankencounter like I thought it would, the new section feels of a piece with the dishwasher, making it look like a "normal" (in my worldview) appliance with its own skin.

Which leaves us with the plumbing, which I foolishly thought would be the easy part. Even the simple task of attaching the water line became stressful when I discovered that the hot water valve to our kitchen sink doesn't close completely and had to race to finish before the small container I had catching the drip filled up, while trying not to burn my fingers too badly. Then it turned out our drain pipe was extremely bendy, made up of many pieces of copper pipe, at many different angles. The first piece out of the sink was only a couple of inches long, and was followed by a curved piece. Dishwasher "tailpiece" attachments only come in one size that I could find. You can trim the bottom easily enough, but the piece where the dishwasher's hose attaches was already too far down from the top for my drain to accommodate in its odd configuration. So off came the second piece of pipe. And then the third. Much sweating and frustration and mild panic under the sink ensued, and in the end, I cobbled together out of bendy-straw-like PVC pipe and duct tape a contraption that looks like something the A-Team would use to shoot non-lethal projectiles at bad guys. It's on the list to replace eventually, but it works for now.

(The crooked outlet, for the record, was like that when we moved in - not my doing at all!)

I'm really pleased with how it turned out. The entrance to the kitchen is a little tight now, but that had been almost totally unused space before, so opening up the actual working part of the room is a worthwhile trade-off to have made. I love having the extra counter space, and shelf/hanging space above, and everything feels a little brighter. Oh, and it washes dishes too! I'm never satisfied, of course, and I want the dishwasher to basically be magical. I don't understand why some things dry nicely and others (made of the same material and just inches away) don't, and I'd really like it if it could teleport the clean dishes away to the cabinet when it finished with them. Is that so much to ask? But no, I love it, and I can never live without one ever again.

The weekend of the dishwasher turned out to be a big one for our kitchen all around, as it was also Boy's birthday. I'd made bread a few weeks earlier, which prompted him to declare that we should get a bread machine. I was skeptical for no logical reason, and said I could just make bread more often. But then it got really hot and every time I thought about doing it I didn't want to take the time or run the oven, and he hadn't really talked about wanting anything else, so it seemed like the perfect birthday present. And it's really kind of awesome. It still takes hours for dough to rise and what-not, but it's all automatic. You dump in the ingredients and walk away. I've used it once, but mostly it's Boy's toy and he keeps trying new recipes and I keep getting to eat them. It's a win-win! The machine has a Cylon-esque look about it, so in keeping with the theme of Colonel Tigh, Boy named it Number Six. Because it has a bun in the oven.

Padme

2008-07-04T12:11:00.000-04:00

Atom.com: Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | Comedy Central

Me and Hello Kitty Down by the Schoolyard

2008-06-18T09:00:00.002-04:00

Trying to blog more, even if it's just silly little things. I have a bunch of photos on my phone I'd nearly forgotten about. Here they are!

Car full of puppies!

Saw this mural in a Northern Blvd. schoolyard the other day and thought it was awesome in its strangeness. I'm not sure what the benefit of a flying 7 train would be, especially if it had to stay near the tracks like that. But if it's faster, I'm all for it.

For any non-New Yorkers out there, it's grammatically correct; that's the borough/county of Queens, and it is confusingly singular. If it said "Queens are the future," it would mean something totally different - but no less awesome!

Walking down Park Avenue last week, I passed these metal Hello Kitty statues in an office building plaza. These would be strange and out of place enough on their own, but they're also fountains. Yes, that's not a trick of the light: Hello Kitty is weeping. And the one that's not projectile-crying looks like it's about to attack Manhattan.

The hell?

Things that disturb me:

2008-06-17T20:35:00.002-04:00

The way they've started dressing all the girls on MTV's Legally Blonde casting show in matching grey hoodies, as if they're in some sort of cult.

Though I suppose a mass suicide would make the show more interesting.

Best Blonde Maria

2008-06-17T12:44:00.000-04:00

High School Tony Awards Honor Nation's Biggest Drama Club Nerds

With great appliances comes great responsibility

2008-06-15T22:15:00.003-04:00

Boy and I are the proud new owners of a beautiful dishwasher. Except for a few weeks each of the summers I worked at Undisclosed Location Summer Theater, I have never lived anywhere with a dishwasher, and I'm extremely excited. But why the fuck is it so complicated? At this point, I feel kind of like an old hand at purchasing appliances, and the dishwasher is like no other.

I suppose even if I'd had one before I wouldn't have realized that dishwashers come naked. Unlike every other major appliance I can think of, they do not come with any sort of shell around the top and sides. You have to have a spot under your kitchen counter for it. I just don't get this. In case this is all news to you too, here is the naked dishwasher:

You'd never buy a refrigerator that way, and have to put it in a closet. (Okay, as someone has pointed out in the comments, you MIGHT do this - there are such things as built-in fridges - but the point is you'd still have options!) Even clothes washers, seemingly the dishwasher's closest relatives, come fully self-contained, with a plug that sticks in a wall outlet. Oh yeah, that's the other thing: There's no plug. It has to be wired. What the fuck? AND, Home Depot will only install a dishwasher if they're replacing your existing one. So you pay them 60 bucks to remove the hoses from one and attach them to the other. If it were that simple, I'd have no problems! (And yes, I knew all this before we bought it, it wasn't like a scary shock when it arrived in the apartment, but that makes it no less annoying.)

I'll spare you the details of this bizarre DIY project, but I'll definitely post more pics when it's finished. If today's trip to Home Depot for supplies is any indication, it may be a while. In the meantime, if anyone can explain to me why dishwashers are retarded, I'd love to know!

Oh, and on the same day we bought the dishwasher, Boy and I went to Queens Borough Hall and got officially domestic partnered. Since neither of us is a City employee or a fishmonger, this doesn't really do a whole lot for us, but it has a few legal perks, and there's something nice about making it a little bit official after almost 7 years. Now if that piece of paper could wash our dishes for us, I'd've led with it.

This photo nicely sums up the wedding at city hall experience:

What a twist!

2008-06-13T22:19:00.002-04:00

Dear M. Night Shamalayan,

Don't call your movie The Happening if nothing really happens in it.

Dear Steve Jobs,

2008-06-09T13:15:00.000-04:00

Please call the new version of OS X "Tabby."

The more things change...

2008-06-08T21:08:00.002-04:00

At my 10th high school reunion, dinner was held out on the athletic field, and it rained all day. There were tents, of course, but the ground was very muddy, and most of the girls had worn cute little shoes and were quite pissed off.

So I'm convinced that, as revenge, the ladies of the class of '93 chipped in for a weather dominator to make it obscenely hot for our 15th reunion yesterday, so they could parade around in their little sundresses while the boys sweat like we were in hell – actual hell, not just high school.

Heat wave aside, the event made me nostalgic. Not for high school, but for my 10th reunion. I guess I was trying to manufacture some nostalgia for the early 90s by making a playlist of songs that made me think of school, and what I actually thought was, "Wow, five years ago I didn't have an iPod." This got my brain going on a stream of consciousness about the many ways my life was different just a short five years ago. And isn't that why blogs were invented?

In June, 2003...
...I didn't own an iPod.
...my cell phone, a Motorola StarTac, had a black and white, text-only screen, and no camera or text messaging.
...my camera, for that matter, used film.
...my computer was a purple clamshell iBook.
...I lived alone.
...I rented.
...I had never had a pet.
...I was 2 years away from going to Undisclosed Location Summer Theater, and 4 months away from meeting the man who would take me there.
...I was working at an Off-Broadway theater that has since been torn down.
...I believed my stage management career was starting to take off.
...I was a stage manager. (Oh yeah, I still haven't blogged about that whole new job thing, have I?)
...I had blonde highlights.
...I couldn't conceive of the American people being stupid enough to re-elect George W. Bush.
...Buffy and Dawson's Creek had only been off the air for a month.
...the WB was still a network.
...Logo was not.
...Facebook and YouTube didn't exist.
...I didn't have a DVR.
...I wore glasses
...I didn't have a blog.

Note to self: Don't be passive-aggressive with the person using sharp objects on your head

2008-06-04T22:27:00.003-04:00

After work today, I had an appointment to get my hair cut at the salon I've been going to for years, by Janet, a woman who's cut my hair at least two or three times before. After a series of transit mishaps that included my just-purchased new kitchen toy from Williams-Sonoma falling onto the tracks, I miraculously arrived 2 minutes early for my scheduled slot. I checked in at the desk and was told that Janice would be with me in about 10 minutes. Uh, but my appointment is in 2 minutes, isn't it?

A few minutes later, my appointment time now passed, Janet walked in from outside carrying a bag that clearly contained food, and disappeared into the back of the salon. A few moments later, it was 10 minutes past my appointment, and I walked up to the front desk and said, "My appointment was at 6:45, right?" Now, this was deliberately passive-aggressive. I cop to that. But I was also fully prepared for the answer to be, "No, it was at 6:30 and when you were 15 minutes late she gave up on you and went to get dinner since you're her last client before break," or "No, it's at 7:00, so sit your impatient ass back down." But the receptionist confirmed, and said someone would be out to wash my hair in a minute.

That "someone" was Janet, obviously pulled away from her meal, still with onion breath. As she briskly shampooed me, she asked me if I had another appointment. "No," I said calmly, knowing full well why she was asking. "Why?"

"Oh, I thought you were in a hurry," she said. I'm not the only one who studied abroad in the mystical land of Passive-Aggressiva.

"No," I said, really annoyed now for the first time, "it's just that I had an appointment here and you were eating a sandwich." My point made, I added helpfully, "Did you get backed up with clients earlier?" I wanted to give her an out, a chance to say, "Yeah it was crazy and I missed my break, I'm so sorry." But she didn't reply at all, and I'd swear the water got a little bit hotter.

It's worth mentioning at this point in the story that I have a history with this woman. And she is not, in fact, a woman. She revealed this fact to me after I mentioned "my partner" in conversation the first time she cut my hair. She was new at the salon at the time, and told me no one there knew she was trans and she was nervous about it. Given this, it's not clear why she told me – she's petite and on hormones and passes extremely well, and I really wouldn't have guessed – except that I guess she needed to share with someone and decided she could trust me. (I realize a hair salon seems like it would be the gayest place on earth, but I'd say 99% of the people who work in this one are women... women with vaginas.) It was very sweet and sort of fun and also kinda inappropriate. It also put me in the awkward position of feeling like I had to see her again, regardless of how well she cut my hair, lest she think I was avoiding her because of her confession, or become paranoid that I had "told on her." I've consistently liked the staff at this place, so I generally just go whenever it suits my schedule and see whomever is available, but Janet has cut my hair a few more times since then, and her chattiness has decreased while her skill has increased, and I feel like I'm supporting a fellow person of queerness, so it's all good.

Anyway, over in the chair Janet had moved from passive-aggressive to just plain aggressive. On the bright side, I've never had my hair cut so quickly. On the down side, I'm not sure that's a good thing. Scissors. Moving very quickly. Very close to my face. I repeatedly asked her to slow down, said I wasn't in a rush, attempted small talk, tried to be kind and soothing. No luck. A couple of times, I got genuinely nervous and imagined a scenario in which I'd have to ask her to stop and have someone else finish my haircut. As if there was any doubt after our first meeting, this person is far too high-maintenance for me. I don't want to have to be responsible for calming down the person wielding scissors near my face.

There's no clever ending to this story. The haircut is okay, no blood was drawn, and Janet and her penis remained angry throughout. On my way out, I complained to the woman at the desk about the experience, but I tipped Janet as usual anyway, just in case our schedules dictate that I get her again even though I'd rather not. Lesson learned: There are some things you don't complain about. I will keep this in mind next time I'm at the dentist or proctologist.

Weird praise for MTV

2008-05-27T22:58:00.002-04:00

I don't watch much MTV these days, but I'm sort of obsessed with The Paper. More on that later (y'know, maybe), but I like how MTV has basically acknowledged that the only music on the channel now plays in the background of its reality shows, and puts up video-style credits whenever a scene is underscored. What I really admire is their commitment to this device: Tonight's episode of The Paper featured a song from Annie Get Your Gun, and the little widget popped up and said "Artist: Ethel Merman." I think it might have been spelled wrong, but I appreciate it anyway.

Sad Kitty

2008-05-27T18:08:00.002-04:00

I know I hardly ever write "real" posts anymore. Uh, sorry?

Anyway, in the meantime enjoy this genius film, via Cute Overload. (No reflection intended on my own mental state, nor that of my cat.)

Thank you, America!

2008-05-21T22:27:00.002-04:00

And thank you, American Idol, for not giving the line "I was every little hungry schoolgirl's pride and joy" to Archuletta.

My Civic Duty

2008-05-21T20:04:00.002-04:00

As I write this, the American Idol finale is starting (I can't bear to watch all 2 hours so I'm DVR-delaying), so by the time you read it the whole awful thing will probably be all over. But I just want to say now to the pop culture gods, please please please don't let David Archuletta win.

I've haven't felt this strongly about the outcome of American Idol since... ever. Last night I voted - multiple times - for the first time since season one. Given my usual affection for the skinny, baby-faced, gay or gay-acting Idolers (those season one votes were for Jim Verarros - don't judge me!), you'd think i'd be an Archuletta fan. But Jim was an underdog and the standards were lower in those early days. And also, I HATE the way David sings.

I hate the way his voice seems to come from the back of his throat as if he's doing a bad Kermit the Frog impression. I hate the way he can't sing a song straight. What was all that Mariah Carey shit he did last night during "Imagine?" I hate his complete and total lack of stage presence. I hate the way his performances put me to sleep with the stunning blandness. I hate the way the judges inexplicably fawn all over him. Maybe there's something they see live that doesn't make it through the cameras?

Look, I'm sure he's a nice kid. And he's cute in a slightly creepy neutered jailbait way. He has a decent range and usually remembers his lyrics. I can't imagine what all this attention from the likes of Ryan Seacrest and Paula Abdul and 10-year-old girls must do to a shy 17-year-old who probably got the crap beat out of him on a daily basis in school until a few months ago. So let him come back in 5 years when his voice (and the rest of him) has matured a little. But please, if you care about truth, justice and pop music (and David Cook, a contestant who's actually very talented), don't let the Muppet win.

And if it's already happened, consider this my angry rant, and hope that we've all forgotten all about it by next week.

Street Scenes

2008-05-14T22:50:00.005-04:00

This afternoon I saw two things on the street that struck me as odd, even by Midtown Manhattan standards.

Outside Macy's, a woman dropped the cigarette she was smoking onto the sidewalk, picked it up, and put it back in her mouth. I guess if you're already a smoker it doesn't really matter what other nasty shit you put in your body, but EW. I tend not to be squeamish about living in New York. I know that when I touch a stairway railing, or hold a subway pole, or, frankly, walk into my gym's locker room, I'm taking my life in my hands. I can't live in a bubble, and germs are, as Dan Savage would say, the price of admission. But dude, you don't pick up things off the streets of New York and put them in your mouth! No! Bad tourist!

A few hours later I saw a man wearing a belt that said "JESUS IS MY BOSS." I suppose it's a fine sentiment if you like that sort of thing, but it seemed a strange thing to emblazon above one's ass. I couldn't help thinking that "Jesus holds my pants up" would have been more appropriate. Then again, the belt was upside down, so maybe Jesus needs to hire some smarter employees.

Pluck all night

2008-05-14T12:36:00.000-04:00

Really?

2008-05-10T10:35:00.004-04:00

I think I can handle a lot. I try to accept that other people have beliefs that differ from mine, and to be open to those beliefs even when they're stupid. I can have an open mind and a conversation about intelligent design, Jesus, Iraq, or The Hills. But...

Florida Teacher Accused of Wizardry

...seriously?? In the United States of America, in the 21st Century, the most basic of slight of hand illusions gets a man fired? I have nothing witty to say about this, I'm just too baffled.

Chung Chung

2008-04-24T01:20:00.000-04:00

And another thing...

2008-04-23T10:11:00.004-04:00

Last night's Idol makes me sad for musical theater in general. Here was a chance to expose kids all over the country to a style of music they'd maybe never heard before, or had heard and dismissed, sung by people they admire, possibly in a more accessible way, and like it. I personally never liked Andrew Lloyd Webber (though I was already into musical theater by other composers) until I heard a re-orchestrated version of Jesus Christ Superstar (which now sounds as hopelessly dated by the grunge era as the original album sounds stuck in the 70s, but that's not the point). I'll never be his biggest fan, but it was enough to open my mind a bit and get me listening to other things, some of which I like very much, including those 70s-tastic recordings of Superstar.

Idol has blown pretty much every chance at this this season. The Beatles episodes are another prime example. There are great songs out there that these kids could all sing well. So why do they do bad songs, or worse, sing good songs badly?

Do you think you're what they say you are?

2008-04-22T20:11:00.003-04:00

We're barely 5 minutes into this week's sure-to-be-tragic episode of American Idol, and Ryan Seacrest just said, "[Andrew Lloyd Webber has] composed most of the important musicals of our time."

I'm sorry, what?? Look, I like Andrew Lloyd Webber. He's composed some very, very popular musicals. Some of them are even good. Some might even be considered important, if not artistically then for the way they changed the landscape of Broadway.

But most? Look, I know this is a world where "too Broadway" is a common criticism. If Ryan's ever even seen a musical he wouldn't admit it lest he look gayer. And for the love of god, there should never ever be a Stephen Sondheim or Jason Robert Brown night on American Idol. But really? Surely there's a homo or two on the writing staff there who could've written a less off-putting voiceover.

Oh my god now Dreadlock Boy is singing "Memory." This is the worst idea ever. It's nowhere near in his range and he seems to have forgotten the words. I totally get that most of these kids are out of their elements here, but why not ask someone which songs were written for boys?

I have to stop blogging while I watch this or I'll throw my laptop at the TV.

Okay, one last thing, and it's actually a compliment to Lord Lloyd Webber. It's apparently actually impossible to sing "You Must Love Me" without sounding like you're on your deathbed. It's a surprisingly great example of music telling a story and conveying a character's emotional place in that story. Unfortunately, that makes it one of the worst possible choices for karaoke, and Brooke, a good singer, sounded like she was dying of cancer.

Suicide Watch

2008-04-22T19:39:00.001-04:00

Late this afternoon I discovered a typo in a letter I'd written. A letter that had already been proofed, mail merged, proofed again, and printed 150 times on letterhead.

If I don't blog for a while, it's probably because I've killed myself.