when hell freezes over

and then.....

2009-05-19T09:07:00.000-06:00

well... they made me laugh.

******************************************

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and said,
"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

******************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds...'

I bought her a set of scales.

And then the fight started.....

******************************************

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
so, I took her to a gas station.

And then the fight started....

******************************************

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age... I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office..

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

******************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started....

******************************************

A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect..'

And then the fight started.....

not dead yet.....

2009-04-22T07:30:00.001-06:00

Buddhist Loving Kindness Meditation:
May you be happy
May you be well
May you be free from suffering
May you be safe

Navajo prayer (part of ):
With beauty before me, may I walk.
With beauty behind me, may I walk.
With beauty above me, may I walk.
With beauty below me, may I walk.
With beauty all around me, may I walk.

life is more complicated than usual at the moment - so it hasn't left much extra time.
peace to all of you.

obsession....

2009-01-20T09:18:00.004-07:00

ok... so, if the last one wasn't your thing, how about this?

MONDIAL BCHR WITH BOHEMIAN GLASS NIB

This unusual pen is from Austria. The maker is Mondial, which was an Italian company. These
pens do not often pop up in the US, but in Europe they are not uncommon. The pen is fitted
with an original Bohemian glass nib of very high quality.

Spec Information:

Mondial midsized fountain pen produced late 1920s- early 1930s
Black Chased Hard Rubber, ripple pattern
colour is perfectly black (10/10); very clean pen
chasing is fairly worn, but evenly so
lever fill
fitted with a slip-on clip
clip and lever are nickel-plated (silver-colour)
no brassing on metal parts; very clean
Bohemian glass nib, original, c 1920s-30s, actually made in Bohemia, amber colour
nib is a F/M point
pen is fully restored and glass nib is smoothed

photos by QM2

Lust....

2009-01-07T07:52:00.005-07:00

it's in my heart. and it has been since i first saw her. and not a day has gone by over the past year that i haven't thought of her. and today, i plan on taking her for a test drive, and if she makes me happy, i'll be putting down cold hard cash. if she doesn't make me happy, i'll spurn her forever - i have my eye on another....

so, i guess the real questions are.....

does one need a $550+ pen? no, but one wants his precious.....
$550? Seriously? yup... handmade with loving care. And that's not actually expensive.... a friend of mine bought a Visconti Art Nouveau at $900. The store carries pens up to $3,500 (actually I think they have a couple of $5k-6k pens). I've seen collector pens going at $12,000 USD.
does a pen like this actually write better? actually, yes.... it's supposed to be an amazing nib. Part of the price of more expensive pens is materials and gold nibs.
are you fucking crazy? ummmmm........ what was the question again?

it's on sale for quite a bit less or i wouldn't even consider it. the only problem is.... it's only available in yellow. although the colour sort of appeals to me.

And in case you're wondering about the slightly odd looking pen clip.... each side rotates out, creating a little set of legs that turns it into a stand.

i'll let you know how it goes.....

images from: http://www.nibs.com/OmasEmotica.htm except for the last one, which was borrowed from the Pen Boutique Ltd.

Starving?

2009-01-03T17:29:00.002-07:00

for those of you who are content starved.....

you can live a part of my life vicariously here:
http://mortiseandtenon.blogspot.com/2009/01/galootaclaus-2008.html

coincidences...

2008-12-14T15:19:00.004-07:00

so, i'm working on my christmas cards, and thinking of a friend of mine in l.a. - davidicus - who loves perogies*, but used to have a hell of a time finding them. this led me to a yen for perogies with my dinner, so i made some.

and lo and behold, from the happy little thoughts, came happy little perogies.

not the weirdest moment i've ever had, but amusing (to me) nonetheless.

*perogy, pierogi, pirogi

oh yes.... as a side note - i'm on holidays for about a month. thought i'd have a little more time to ramp up the ol' blogging, but life is busy, so i'm not on a computer much.

Riddle....

2008-11-20T16:50:00.001-07:00

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping zebra. Both the horse and zebra are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

(See comment section for answer)

not for everyone.....

2008-11-13T09:23:00.003-07:00

it's the only thing that's made me laugh so far today, so here is a joke a buddy at work sent me.....
(i'm sure that alone says something about me. it's not for everyone.)

A Priest books into a hotel and says to the receptionist ' I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled...'

She says, 'No sir, it's just regular porn, you sick bastard'

election day.....

2008-11-04T08:22:00.003-07:00

here's both halloween pumpkins. nowhere near as scary as what is going on in the states today.

To all my amurcan friends......

ya... fuck.... i wish all y'all good luck with that.

happy halloween....

2008-10-31T08:05:00.002-06:00

one of the pumpkins i carved with my 4 year old son

your fate is sealed....

2008-10-30T07:56:00.001-06:00

as well as the two german wax seals, i recently picked up another seal. i happened upon it quite by chance, so i see it as fortuitous. i did manage to contact someone who is knowledgeable about these things, and got a rough market value, and some information.

the seal is likely a cast steel stock item, that was then hand engraved by a skilled engraver. the time period estimated for the piece is likely early British Victorian (The Victorian era spanned roughly 1833~1901).

one of these days, i'll bite the bullet and pay to have someone who deals with heraldic symbols to translate this seal - the possible history of it intrigues me. seals were generally used as identification. letters or documents were sealed to prevent/show tampering, and guarantee the identity of the sender. when the owner of a seal died, the seal was generally destroyed as well to prevent (what i guess equates to in these days) identity theft. i imagine they weren't terribly common either, as they were probably fairly expensive to have made, and not really required by the working classes.

i myself wonder if this was for a wedding ban - as it appears to be two family crests hung together by a tied ribbon from a crown, and wreathed by some type of flowering vine.

quite an amazing amount of detail, given that the oval is just over an inch at it's longest point.

in the news....

2008-10-27T22:41:00.003-06:00

this just in... eyewitness photos of a giant troll terrorizing the local trains. stay tuned for details at eleven....

* ok, you got me..... that's pretty much all i have. the troll took a nap - trains ran on schedule unscathed. no mayhem.

going postal....

2008-10-22T10:56:00.005-06:00

wow... i thought the price of gas was bad. i just went to mail a small package (size 1 padded envelope, about 4"x8"x1/2"). i was given 2 prices:

standard mail: $ 3.75
express mail: $ 51.32

i had to have her repeat the second price, as she was trying not to laugh as she said it. makes me wonder, is it hand delivered by someone that looks like this* if you pick option 2?

i mention it only because the difference was so vast i was completely stunned by it. as you can imagine, i sent it regular post. i don't need it delivered in 5-8 business days.... 3-6 weeks suits me just fine, as it rarely ever takes that long between major cities.

heck, even regular mail to a friend in a tiny little town in mexico only takes 4 weeks.

*sorry grant, that was as close to a Jbunny as i could find for this post.

heil history....

2008-10-19T16:29:00.007-06:00

a while back, i picked up a was seal stamp that i thought was quite interesting, and probably not very common. i posted about it, as i was looking for a translation of the high german. my father in-law didn't learn high german, and could only partly translate it.

when i purchased the seal, the place selling it had a second seal, but at the time i didn't have the money (well, still don't but....) and didn't really realize the significance until much later. here is the first seal:

I believe I have mostly tranlated (or figured out) the text:
Staatliches Jahn Gnmnarium in Salzwedel

Staatliches: National
Jahn Gnmnarium: Jahn Gymnasium: Friedrich Ludwig Jahn School
in Salzwedel: Town of Salzwedel

So, this was likely the seal used for the 'National Jahn School in Salzwedel' during the Nazi rule.

the second seal, i later realized when i began looking into translating the first, had the coat of arms for the town of Salzwedel on it. this is what made me realize i should probably go back and buy it and keep the two together. thankfully, it was a not very interesting chunk of brass, and over a year later it was still exactly in the same place. I will mention that this seal does not have a handle, and it appears to have previously been mounted to something that was removed. Hence it is only a square of brass about 1/2" high - and thankfully easy to miss.

Konigl PR Gymnasium Salzwedel

Konigl PR: Royal Priviledged
Gymnasium: School
Salzwedel: Town of Salzwedel

This appears to be the seal that was in use for the 'Royal (Grammar) School - Salzwedel' as it was in 1918 - until renamed Jahn Gymnasium in 1931, and was likely the precursor to the seal above.

I would be more than happy to be corrected by anyone who has better knowledge of such things, as I've relied primarily on Google.

---------------------------------

images were scanned and flipped for readability - they are actually mirror images so that the was seal itself appears as above.

How did they end up in my hands? I bought them from a shop that specializes in military memorabilia and antiques. They were liquidating someone's collection of Nazi memorabilia. How they got them is anyone's guess - but I would imagine at some point, someone decided they were a nice 'souvenir' while they were helping to liberate the town.

---------------------------------

misc notes during researching the above:

Nazi Rise to power: 1925-1933
WWII: 1937-1945

Jahn School History (excerpts):

6th Period National Gymnasium- National Gymnasium Jahn 1918 - 1937

1918 November-Revolution: Royal Grammar School will state humanistic Gymnasium with 9 years of schooling
1931 Naming: Jahn Gymnasium

7th Period Jahn school - State School for boys 1937 - 1945

1937 Converting the state into high school gymnasium for boys with 8 years of schooling
1943 - 1945 Use of students of class from 6 to 8 as an Air Force-Navy assistant helpers at the
1939 - 1945 Second World War - More than 140 former pupils had their lives as victims of World War II

--------------

German Eagle (Wikipedia excerpt): The Nazi party used the traditional German eagle, standing atop of a swastika inside a wreath of oak leaves. When the eagle is looking to its left shoulder, it symbolises the Nazi party, and was called the Parteiadler. In contrast, when the eagle is looking to its right shoulder, it symbolises the country (Reich), and was therefore called the Reichsadler. After the Nazi party came to power in Germany, they forced the replacement of the traditional version of the German eagle with their modified party symbol throughout the country and all its institutions.

--------------

some history of the town of Salzwedel, snipped from wikipedia:

Salzwedel (IPA: [ˈzaltsveːdəl], officially known as Hansestadt Salzwedel, is a town in Saxony-Anhalt, Germany. It is the capital of the district (Kreis) of Altmarkkreis Salzwedel.

The castle of Salzwedel in the Altmark was first documented in 1112. As part of the Margraviate of Brandenburg, the settlement was first mentioned as a town in 1233.

As in other German cities during the time of Nazi Germany under Adolf Hitler, the Jewish segment of the population of the city was systematically disowned and driven out of the city.

In 1943, the Neuengamme concentration camp built a female subcamp in Salzwedel, capable of holding more than 1,000 female prisoners. Eventually more than 3,000 women were held there, both Jews and non-Jews. The guard staff at the camp included sixty SS men and women. One Aufseherin is known today by name, Lieselotte Darnstaedt, who was born in 1908. Darnstaedt also served at Ravensbrück before coming to Salzwedel. On April 29, 1945, the US Army liberated the Salzwedel women's subcamp, and also a men's camp nearby for male non-German political prisoners. They were shocked to find more than ninety corpses of women who had died of typhus, dysentery and malaria. At the beginning of 1945, prior to the arrival of American ground forces, Allied war planes attacked the main train station of Salzwedel, killing 300 people. The US Army eventually turned over control of the city to the Soviet Red Army, causing Salzwedel to eventually become part of the German Democratic Republic.

On November 9, 1989 the East-West German border crossing near Salzwedel was openend, along with East-West border crossings in the rest of the country, allowing East Germans residing in Salzwedel and elsewhere to travel freely to West Germany for the first time since the building of the Berlin Wall. In 1990 Salzwedel received its first democratically elected city government.

yet more freeware....

2008-10-15T22:56:00.000-06:00

Paint.net 3.10: http://www.getpaint.net/
http://www.brandonz.net/projects/zscreen/index.html
http://www.apophysis.org/ - Fractal
http://keepass.info/index.html

just some links to interesting or handy items... nothing mind blowing... more just a reminder for myself when my system crashes and i must rebuild.

Gobble Gobble....

2008-10-13T21:47:00.002-06:00

to my fellow canucks, i wish you all a happy turkey day.

to my american readers, you should hold onto that sentiment until all y'all catch up to us canucks ;)

to everyone else who stops by, i wish you a joyous day of celebration, whatever that may be for.

for sale cheap....

2008-10-09T20:02:00.002-06:00

head on over to e-bay and bid on one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

for sale, cheap... slightly used... only fired once.

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=180295129086

today's post brought to you by.....

2008-10-08T19:15:00.001-06:00

and now a word from our sponsor....

circumlocution
\sir-kuhm-loh-KYOO-shuhn\, noun:

The use of many words to express an idea that might be expressed by few; indirect or roundabout language.

Circumlocution comes from Latin circumlocutio, circumlocution-, from circum, "around" + loquor, loqui, "to speak."

spending money.....

2008-10-03T11:19:00.004-06:00

took wednesday off since the weather was nice, and headed to a small town an hour or so away that has a decent collection of antique stores. i don't usually buy much - prices are, well... antique store prices. but once in a while you find something you either just have to have, or the price is reasonable (because the person doesn't really know what they have).

it's also interesting because you can tell where my current focus is when i head out there by what i've bought. in the past couple of years, it's been tools mostly. this round was something different.

behold:
the Art Deco Swivodex Zephyr Glass Inkwell, with unspillable swivelling base. (mine didn't include the pen, but i've included the image so you get a better sense of it.)

Zephyr American Corp "Swivodex"
Trade mark pats. Pending New York , N.Y.

The price wasn't a steal (it was pretty much the average
of the price I see online for these - $65 CDN)

i also ran across a fountain pen - i'd never heard of the brand, so i walked away, only to spend 3 hours of extra driving to go back the next day ;P

the Globetrotter, by Elysee - slim pen in bright steel with a map of the world applied in 24k gold plate, fine nib in 14k gold, 1992-c1997.

The company had a short history, but I have yet to read a bad review about these pens - so far i'm very impressed by how nice it is to write with, although perhaps a little slimmer than I'm used to (slightly larger diameter than a pencil or bic stick pen).

1925 Paul Dummert begins making jewelry in Pforzheim, Germany
1980 Élysée brand is created
1991 Staedtler acquires Élysée
2000 Élysée ceases production

infantile.....

2008-09-23T08:45:00.003-06:00

my better half who received this by e-mail didn't think it was funny, nor the fact that I laughed for about half -an-hour..... is this one just a guy thing? anybody?

irony....

2008-09-22T14:15:00.002-06:00

having survived 2 days last week of the nastiest stomach flu i've had in years, i find myself sitting alone, contemplating at work today.

i say alone, because everyone else in my section has called in sick, with..... you guessed it.

there's a subtle irony here, that i just can't appreciate. maybe down the line, but i have my doubts.

** i swear your honour, i didn't know i was contagious - it hit me at 5am.... and i was over it when i came back to work....... damnit.

did you know......

2008-09-18T20:12:00.001-06:00

that refried beans, pretty much look the same going in one end as they do coming out the other?

however, they do:

provide a source of fibre
provide their own propulsion for expulsion

hmmm... perhaps i should have just title this post:

Mexican, perhaps not the best choice for a first meal after a 2 day stomach flu.....

turn of phrase....

2008-09-15T14:53:00.004-06:00

in the movie donnie darko, the character played by drew barrymore has what is referred to by "a famous linguist" as the most beautiful phrase in the english language written on the board.....

cellar door

phrases can catch one unawares by sound, by meaning, by memory....

other phrases that have stayed with me over the years:

unmitigated audacity (Frank Zappa, Don't Eat The Yellow Snow)
Seven Sentences (found item)
cunning stunts (infantile humour)
cunning linguist (also, infantile humour)

donnie darko - definitely worth watching

khrēsmoi

2008-09-11T22:00:00.003-06:00

oracular utterances, called ''khrēsmoi'' in Greek language

got a call today from a friend. they received an email, that stated "you have been infected with a major virus. click here." So they did........

....damned if that e-mail wasn't correct.

they called to thank me for backing up all of their data last night..... looks like i'll be doing a system rebuild on the weekend.

Endymion

2008-09-05T23:12:00.001-06:00

Endymion the shepherd,
As his flock he guarded,
She, the Moon, Selene,
Saw him, loved him, sought him,
Coming down from heaven
To the glade on Latmus
Kissed him, lay beside him.
Blessed is his fortune.
Evermore he slumbers,
Tossing not nor turning,
Endymion the shepherd.

Theocritus