Comments on Becky's T-Blog: I Walk the Line

I'm not sure how I feel about this; relating your ...

2008-09-22T13:40:00.000+01:00

I'm not sure how I feel about this; relating your words to my own experience.

However, I don't feel its bad to be selfish. I feel quite strongly about that. I think its important and very healthy to acknowledge and express yourself as a self-actualising individual. And I feel being "selfish" is part of that continuing process.

Trans people tend to beat themselves up over whether they are being selfish or not - but I don't think thats the point. Being selfish seems to be generally regarded as a bad thing - but so long as you are not hurting anyone, its important to get some "self time" in.

So I would like to suggest a different focus; by looking at if what you do (*whatever* it is, not just dressing up) is a force for positive and creative personal growth in your life. It's those things that do, that define you.

I've been sitting on this comment for a couple of ...

2008-09-16T21:47:00.000+01:00

I've been sitting on this comment for a couple of weeks as I've not been sure how I want to say this stuff.

I think I understand where you are coming from Becky. After nearly killing my marriage a couple of years ago after coming out I have done a lot of thinking, and been through couselling, to try to find answers to a lot of things.

One thing I came to realise is that Serena's existence fulfilled a need in me that I am still unable to define. The need now may have gone, but I cannot say that the tranny side of me has gone, she is merely "asleep".

Serena may have been my fairy godmother, who came to me when I had a need. For you, Becky may be the same, and she will be there for when you need her.

And hi Kalley, it's been a long time. I still remember you and the other girls from the #ukangels chatroom who helped me understand that I wasn't that weird really :-)

Serena.

Um...maybe I still don't know how to say what I wanted to say. I've just read this back and it makes me sound a bit odd. I'm still trying to understand it all.

Phew - quite a thought provoking post Becky. You'r...

2008-09-12T06:41:00.000+01:00

Phew - quite a thought provoking post Becky. You're spot on that the world likes to put us into a box - Male and female they can understand. Male becoming female they can almost understand. But "living on the edge" as you describe it, that confuses them.

I can almost hear them screaming inside, "Just make up your mind!"

I digress from the urge that first took me to comment. It's true that there is a lot of selfishness in crossdressing - to satisfy a need deep inside of us.

Is it more selfish though, than a singer who lets their songs echo through the halls? Or an actor who throws their heart and soul into their craft, their calling?

I wonder... Perhaps the universe rejoices when we are authentically expressing ourselves. Is the hurt we cause some greater than the light of our passion? And does it matter?

Thanks for making me think!
Vanessa
Crossdresser Heaven

I think the description here sums Becky up perfect...

2008-08-28T10:34:00.000+01:00

I think the description here sums Becky up perfectly.

I think David Soul sums it up well when he says:

"Can't we stay the way we are
The angel and the dreamer
Who sometimes plays a fool
Don't give up on us, I know
We can still come through

It's written in the moonlight
And painted on the stars
We can't change ours"

(the 'we' here referring to Becky and not-Becky)

Nuff sed. Innit.

Interesting post.I guess your going through what I...

2008-08-21T22:05:00.000+01:00

Interesting post.

I guess your going through what I call the suitcase at the back of the wardrobe period. You pack your trannyness into that suitcase - either in an effort to escape it, or because you have no use for it at present.

But that suitcase is always there.

Maybe it's not so much about living on the edge bu...

2008-08-21T17:50:00.000+01:00

Maybe it's not so much about living on the edge but about enjoying other feelings with transvetism. The clubs, the events, the camaraderie and hedonism are all fine but that waxes and wanes in non-tranny life as well.

The edge links transvestism to activities; clubbing, shopping, partying, going to large events but for trannies, particularly in the early formative years transvestism is about being, not doing. So maybe it's time to just dress up and be Becky without having Becky go out and do something or be somewhere. Feel the comfort of the clothes and the sensation of femininity.

Becky, this is what I believe is my first comment ...

2008-08-21T03:32:00.000+01:00

Becky, this is what I believe is my first comment after reading your blog for two years or so. I was first attracted to your humor but found that there was much more behind those perfectly done blue eyes. I loved the love story that eventually evolved into marriage and I absolutely love this latest post. What you have written is where I was 20 years ago. I am now emerging from hibernation, but it was worth it for me to live tranny free for the sake of family. - Calie

Hi Becky!You've blogged on the subject of how tran...

2008-08-21T03:21:00.000+01:00

Hi Becky!

You've blogged on the subject of how trannys disappear from the scene after a relatively brief 'coming out'... so it seems reasonable that you'd feel that same sense of... moving on(?)... sooner or later.

I think it's a good thing because personal development and mutual growth within a relationship can't be bad. It's also great that /we/ can talk about this. This idea that there's no one 'right way' to go about one's trannying is actually a very 21st-century phenomenon. Choose your own solution, rather than following the 'path to acceptance' that was beaten down by the Beaumont Society, Tri-Ess and the rest.

I know what you mean about selfishness (but then, I think most of us would say that you put into words things that we struggle to enunciate). I'd also add narcissism to the list of our sins. If you find yourself naturally channelling your energies into life-with-spouse instead of the girl in the mirror, that's got to be good.

And I'm sure you can reprise Becky at times, in the future, as you see fit. It's not like you've hammered a stake through the Enverite heart, and buried it at a crossroads. In fact I don't think purging works, but I think that wherever one's personal edge is, our time on that edge is limited. Experience suggests that tranny years are like dog years; they count about seven to one.

Woof. Wheeze. Thud.

Thanks everyone, too many spot-on and insightful c...

2008-08-20T22:03:00.000+01:00

Thanks everyone, too many spot-on and insightful comments there to name them all individually. :-)

Kalley - wow reading that name was a REAL blast from the past! In fact, it's a bit hazy it was so long ago... didn't we meet once or twice at Pink Punters and elsewhere?

Spot on.I 'gave' up five years ago having walked t...

2008-08-20T21:24:00.000+01:00

Spot on.
I 'gave' up five years ago having walked the line for a breif six month(ish) period, going out at every opportunity. The novelty wore off and the been there, done that mentallity surfaced. I chose to get back with my wife and kids, of whom I'd separated from to walk that line, thinking that the line was the be all and end all. It wasn't. I'm happier now for having walked it and also happier now as I could walk it again, with the support of my Mrs, but I chose to stay way back from the edge.
The occasional foray is all I need now and brings back all the highlights of hardcore trannying, such as shaving, shaving and more shaving. Yuk.

If it feels good, if it feels right for you, do it...

2008-08-20T17:25:00.000+01:00

If it feels good, if it feels right for you, do it.

It's an interesting exercise defining the perfect trannie, but I'm not so sure one exists.

I do wonder, occasionally, how many trannies beat themselves up for not living on the edge, as you put it.

Having been out, done that and bought the teeshirt how many of us feel we *should* find bigger and bolder statements to make in order to prove our trannie credentials - all rather pointless, if you ask me.

Anyhoos, looks like you're going with the flow, so I'm sure you'll enjoy it. :)

But there's going to be loads of people who'll miss you not being 'on the scene'.

Take care, and have fun.

You're just a good person, full stop x

2008-08-20T14:33:00.000+01:00

You're just a good person, full stop x

I've not posted here before but I do make the occa...

2008-08-20T11:53:00.000+01:00

I've not posted here before but I do make the occasional visit because I like what you have to say and how you say it.

It is through courageous honesty like yours that new frontiers are crossed. Keep it up.

hearing you loud and clear... and fcuked if I know...

2008-08-20T08:09:00.000+01:00

hearing you loud and clear... and fcuked if I know what the answer is... was there a question? as long as you're happy and enjoying life then it's all good. the grass isn't always greener kiddo

Interesting post. More so, as I've had a draft pos...

2008-08-19T22:33:00.000+01:00

Interesting post. More so, as I've had a draft post sat waiting to publish, for the last month, which is almost identical to this one. Obviously mine didn't involve Jane ;-)
I'd love to offer you some pearls of wisdom, but to be honest I'm still trying to find them myself... The life of a tranny is never a dull one.

Take care

XXX

It is the hardest walk of all - a change of life, ...

2008-08-19T21:29:00.000+01:00

It is the hardest walk of all - a change of life, a change of priorities, for a loved one - but potentially the most rewarding walk of all.

I wish you both well on that walk.

I've started a reply to this post a few times and ...

2008-08-19T21:09:00.000+01:00

I've started a reply to this post a few times and each one didn't say what I wanted. Luckily, there's the delete button. :)

This'll sound trite, but it's true: people change. What you thought was important - perhaps even critical to your wellbeing - just drops off the radar. It's not a bad thing.

I can understand you thinking about 'going back' because you know what happened in the past and could handle all that it threw at you. The future is (obviously) unknown and therefore a leap of faith. While going back may be tempting, sometimes there's a reason why you leave certain activities behind.

With regards to selfishness, I know various new parents who verbally flog themselves for wanting parts of their old life back: to have 'me time' once again. There's nothing wrong with a bit of selfishness every once in a while. Sometimes the world has to wait while you attend to your own needs. It sounds awful, but if you don't look after yourself, who will?

I find myself both in admiration of you Becky and ...

2008-08-19T20:40:00.000+01:00

I find myself both in admiration of you Becky and somewhat envious.
Maybe you have reached the tranny nirvana many look for.
You are free to tranny, but dont feel the need as you have a loving relationship.
But please dont stop blogging, as we, your friends, would miss you.

A lot of people notice that when a man gets marrie...

2008-08-19T20:08:00.000+01:00

A lot of people notice that when a man gets married he doesn't go out with his friends as much (sometimes not at all anymore) because he's so fully committed to his family. Maybe being a cross-dresser was your way of going out with the boys, and you've now moved on from that page. It's terrific that Jane isn't possessive, and doesn't deny you the right to have your own space, your own hobbies, interests that don't include her, but you feel guilty because, in its essence, cross-dressing is something you do with the boys, and doesn't include her, except as an outside guest, and you don't want her to feel like a guest in any part of your life.

I understand the next big hit thing, sometimes I d...

2008-08-19T20:00:00.000+01:00

I understand the next big hit thing, sometimes I do think, well this is all getting a bit samey, boring, average and do search for the next and the exciting mnew rhing. But then again sometimes simple ordinary things like just walking in the sunshine or just sitting having a coffee as Helena can bring some very warm and comforting feelings. Being lost in the pink fog can be a hard line to walk when there are no real directions available. But Jane must of gave you a direction and you found a way out and that is a good thing.

I read that and it sounded sad to me. But perhaps ...

2008-08-19T18:55:00.000+01:00

I read that and it sounded sad to me. But perhaps it shouldn't be? Perhaps it should be a celebration of a part of you that was 'needed' but isn't needed now, because you've found something more fulfilling?

Maybe Becky was a 'support' who may, or may not be a support again in the future?

Or maybe it's as simple as growing and changing?

I think the reason it sounded sad to me is that by using the word 'good', it suggests that you are now 'bad'? Perhaps it's suggesting to me that because I don't meet your defenition of 'good' that I'm therefore 'bad'? Maybe that's my selfish bit, taking your comment and associating it with me?

Perhaps what you are saying is you were happy as the trannie you were but now you are happier without needing Becky at this point in your life and while you are missing her, you don't need her now? And perhaps thats a good thing? Perhaps that is being a good trannie? To know when to need her and know when to leave her?

And maybe that is the edge the rest of us are searching for?